Gives Me Hope
by AllyshaJana
Summary: After the war against the capitol. Katniss & Peeta grow back together. Despite Peeta's traumatic past and Katniss's need to keep him safe.
1. Chapter 1

My grasp around my thin bed cloth tightens. Reality awakens me and the feel of empty space confides in me. My arms drag along the fresh sheet beside me, warming it up with every touch. _I need to get a grip. Peeta's never going to want to sleep beside you ever again. _The thought floods my mind and i pull my eyes closed. I smell the air of died-out fire and fresh smoke. _Fresh smoke? _My legs throw themselves over the side of the bed and my feet touch the cold floor. Cold air flows around me and allows me to shudder in my scarce knee-length night gown. I stumble down the stairs, my eyes still adjusting to the world and my scent still smelling fresh smoke. I cradle the corner of the wall and peep my head around into the kitchen. His dusty blonde hair gives him away as easily as predicting it will rain on a cloudy day. His hands are working hard, as they whip up a dozen batches of bread.

"Peeta?" I queried.

His hands kept moving in a steady motion, without one second of hesitation.

"Hi Katniss" His voice was smooth, almost how it had been before his hijacking. It still had fear in the depths of it though.

His head stayed in the direction of his work, not daring to turn around and face what he once thought was a mutt.

"What are you doing here..?" I questioned, picking up my steps and stopping beside the table where a half a dozen buns lay.

"Making you breakfast. You haven't had a decent meal in a while," He snickered, "And no. Rabbit is not a 'decent' meal if you have it 3 times a day. You need something new. Something fresh" He added, still beating the firm dough with the palm of his hands.

I pull out one of the chairs from under the table and steady myself in it.

"Do you need any help?" I ask. His laugh surprises me. It glows up the room and it genuinely feels warm suddenly.

"What? It's not a joke. I want to help" I point out. I arouse from the chair and walk to him, stopping next to him so that our shoulders are touching. Our faces meet, my mouth curling into a smile. The colour from his face drains. His hands clutch his ears and he falls to the ground. His eyes slam shut and he rocks forward then back again, like a rocking horse.

"Peeta!" I jump on all fours beside him and wrap my hands around him tight. He gradual moans makes me clench him tighter.

"Not real. Not real. Not real." I repeat.

The rocking stops and his eyes fly open. They meet mine.

"Not real?" He asks gently.

I stroke his hair and place my other on his cheek.

"Not real" I confirm.

His hand pulls me closer, causing me to fall between his two legs. We sit there for a couple of moments until a long kiss breaks the tension. He was the first to move, pushing my head towards his. Our lips met once, then twice, then a third time. I remember the warmth of the ones we had in the cave and the one we had on the beach. This one's different. Were not distracted by the thoughts of death or pressured by time. We can make it last forever if we really wanted it too. My hands graze his neck, slowing wrapping themselves around him even further. I let a small moan escape as we pull into another kiss. His smell engulfs me. Cinnamon and bread fill my lungs and I yearn for more. But the smell escapes me at once and disappears in the air as Peeta pulls away. His lips are inches from mine. Our foreheads resting against each others as we take in breaths of air. His arms are still pulling me closer, still wanting me to stay within his reach. Where he knows the capitol can't hurt the both of us.

"Katniss I-"

"I need you too" I admit, Instantly smiling. He forces a smile as well.

We stay there for hours. Engulfed in each others warmth. Frequently passing small kisses. Still cradling each other. We could of easily dozed off if it wasn't for the inescapable smell of burnt bread that finally broke us apart.

allyshajana-everlark.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake wrapped tightly in Peeta's arms. The cool winter air races around us, as I snuggle into the depths of the thin blanket. Peeta awakes instantly and notices my inability to keep myself warm.

"Need some help?" He asks spontaneously. He pulls me closer to him, his hands brushing down my skin. My head rests against his bare chest and I can scent the smell of bakery. I let out a deep sigh and my eyes drift slowly closed again. I want to fall back asleep. To never have to leave this bed and stay here with Peeta for the rest of my life. _Stay with Peeta for the rest of my life. _The thought rushed through my head. I could never marry Peeta. Although it would be nice to have him there, knowing were each others. But would he commit? His voice distracts me from my train of thought.

"What are you thinking about Katniss?" Peeta asks steadily. I could just lie and say the woods, he wouldn't think I'm not because I usually am. The simplicity of nature and the beauty of the flowers that grow on the base of the trees that shade my home. The sounds of the animals that help keep us fed and the flow of the wind that allows us to predict the day ahead of us. Otherwise I could tell the truth about what I was actually thinking. But I could never.

"Just the woods again" I lie. Peeta strokes my hair back and plants a small, wet kiss on my forehead. He lifts himself from the bed and I'm left to fall into the empty sheets.

"I'm going to get baking, and maybe go for a walk" He informs me. I nod in response and decide to hop from the bed as well. My body grows stiff as I attempt to walk and I fall face first onto the ground. My nose cracks against the floorboards and a flow of blood streams from my nostrils.

"Katniss!" I can hear Peeta's yells from the first floor. His constant attempt to get me to answer. I then hear footsteps coming up the stairs and the door to the bedroom flies back open.

"Omg! Katniss!" Peeta croaks. His arms scoop me up and he lays me back onto the bed. He rushes over to the closest in which i store very few clothes and pulls out an old-tattered handkerchief.

"Here" He says, placing the material over my nose. I let him sit there for a while, holding the handkerchief in place until I finally take it from him and assure him I'm okay and to take his long-needed walk.

It's 3:00 in the afternoon. Peeta usually arrives back from his walks just after 1:00 to bake us bread for dinner. Maybe he took my advice way too seriously and is still taking his walk. Much to my surprise, the front door flies open at that very moment and Peeta comes whooshing in like a flightless bird.

"Sorry I'm late Katniss, I took your advice and went for a walk.. in the woods. And then the next thing I knew, it was 3:00" He admits. His face seems slightly pale while he fumbles with his thumbs. I notice his lips curling under each other and his eyes just can't seem to focus on a particular spot for more then a second.

"Peeta..? What happened?" I ask, strolling over to him and stopping so our faces are inches from each other. His eyes dart all around me, but they don't meet mine.

"Peeta, what happened?!" I ask more fiercely this time, raising my voice louder. His movements are hectic from then on. His arms fly out beside him, shattering antiques and knocking over bread baskets. He starts steaming. I hold my hands over my ears and dart behind the stair rail. Objects are flying across the room, moving in each direction until one harshly hits me square on the temple. Peeta's footsteps come closer to me and I spot his face glaring into mine as I cover my face with my bruised hands. He forms a smile on his face. Not a normal heart-felt smile. This one has evil inside of it. The kind of smile that reminded me of Snow's frequent one he gave me when he felt like another murder would solve his issues.

"Peeta" I cry silently.

"You're a mutt" He bellows, and with that, his palm comes into contact with my cheek. HARD. I cry out for Peeta. For the real Peeta to come back.

"PEETA! IT'S NOT REAL"I cry louder this time. He falls back onto his bottom and his face droops slowly. He's back. I clench at my cheek and drag myself over and around the obstacles in between us. He sits there motionless, staring hard into the ground, his mouth falling open and tears rushing down his face.

"Peeta" I say, rubbing his face gently. His eyes fall into mine. He backs away quicker then ever, pushing me aside.

"Katniss I… I… I'm so sorry.. I n-never meant t-to h-hurt you.." He stumps over his words, tears getting caught up in his throat.

"Peeta don't be" I assure him.

"I can't stay h-here. I could s-seriously hurt you.. m-maybe even ki-" And with that he stops his sentence. I sit there in silence, tears splattering down my red, blotched face.

"You could never kill me, I know you coul-"

"That was before I was traumatised! I don't know what I'm capable of anymore" He confesses.

Another minute passes. Then another. Then again a few more. I can't take it anymore. I roll out from my bed and meet the floor. My feet waddle across the room to the door and I pull it open with steady hands. Peeta's bedroom door comes into view, directly opposite mine. We had to move around some furniture and spread new bed sheets across Prim's old bed for Peeta to have a place to stay. He insisted I bolt his door, but we settled on a lock meant for keeping the animals in their cages. I gently push the key through the hole and turn in open. Prim's room looks exceedingly different at night. Tall, wooden posts stand high in the corners and crisscross across the ceiling, their ropes hanging straight and untouched. The toy horses are motionless, watching, their teeth glittering in the window panels. It was dead-set creepy is what it really was. I curl up against the wall and pull my cloak around me tighter as I star hard into Peeta. He's laying silently on Prim's mattress, his eyes wide open. A tear trickles down my cheek and before I know it, am wiping it away fiercely.

"Peeta?" His head swoops up like a hawk. His eyes are swollen with fear as if they had been bleeding with pain.

"Katniss, I thought we agreed to-"

"Yeah, well, I'm not very good at keeping promises either. Probably should of mentioned that earlier" I explain. He buries his face back into his pillow.

"I wish I could of learned to cry in style…," He suddenly says. I turn my face towards him and stare hard into his blue eyes.

"I never did of course." He laughs. A silent pearl shaped tear rolls down his cheek slowly, from his wide, luminous eye. It leaves no mark of existence as it falls. No streak. No smear.

"I wish I had; then I could of done it in front of people, and not inside of bathrooms, or in empty bedrooms" He swallows hard and I meet his eyes. They are perfectly blue, no flaw of grey or an imperfection of green. Just blue.

"Why didn't you tell me..?" I ask surprised, with a hint of curiosity. My voice is shallow, like an empty gutter. But it's also soft, like a feather grazing along your skin.

"You have enough worries Katniss.. with dealing with me to Prim dying and-" He stops dead. As if a train had run out of gas.

"I'm sorry Katniss" He says.

"Why,?" I ask, "We shouldn't not talk about her.. she was too beautiful-minded to be forgotten". I run my hand down the covers until it meets Peeta's. He hooks both his eyes into mine and leans gracefully forward, planting a kiss onto my lips.

"You're right," He replies, after pulling away,"You always know the best things to do".

We end the night before midnight. I don't ever make my way back to my own bedroom, but instead fall asleep in Peeta's arms. I don't have a nightmare that night, just a dream.


	3. Chapter 3

**It has been several months since Peeta had his last dispute. The sounds of the radio seems to distract his thoughts. He sings more often now, constantly begging me to teach him more vocals. Around dawn, we were contemplating over if i had agreed to such thing. I had opened my mouth, nervous to what would spew out. But Peeta had described it as 'sweet as a sugar cube'.**

**It's nearly sunset, when Peeta and I sit down for dinner. I bought Peeta out hunting with me today. He had nice technique with handling the bow and arrow but useless aim. We ended up heading back early with a couple of rabbits that we would skin later on.**

I steady myself down into the chair beside Peeta's. Peeta arrives at the table, clutching two dinner plates in his hands.

"White or White with Red Stripes?" He asks, rotating the plates in his delicate hands.

"Surprise me" I intone. He places the white plate with red stripes down in front of me.

"You're more of a... wild girl" He implies, setting the plain white one down for himself.

"And you're not?' I joke. A wide, gracious smile spreads across his face.

I scoop up a piece of bread and lay it on my plate, then pile some rabbit stew to the side of it.

"mmm, this is really nice Katniss!" Peeta admits. He throws another spoonful into his mouth.

"Thank-you. Sae tore this recipe out of a book she found down at the hob and gave it to Prim. I found it whilst clearing her belongings" I explain, biting into my bread.

"Sae knew Prim well" Peeta affirms. I nod in agreement.

Peeta and I wake at the crack of dawn, sunlight in our eyes. The weather is hot, driving us into a heat craze. I race to take off my heavy coat that contains nothing more then sweat. I'm embarrassed when I remember I that I only have on underclothes. Peeta glares in my direction, searching my body like a map. His eyes graze along my burns and bruises that are located everywhere over my body. We don't talk to each other just stare briefly until I turn away from his gaze.

"Don't be ashamed of those wounds," Peeta insists, "It shows your braveryâ€¦ your true inner self" He adds. I shake my head.

"No, they only show how much trouble I caused," I snarl, shoving on my hunting clothes,"How I let thousands of people die..". I swallow hard on that last sentence. Tears form in the convex of my eyes and I wipe away at them frantically.

"Don't think like that, they wanted to fight.. for you" He murmurs.

"They didn't need to fight for me, It would of been easier if one life was took then thousands of innocent ones! They wanted me! Not themâ€¦ If I wasn't so absent-minded I would of just gone to Snow and said 'Here I am, you can finally kill me' and boom. everyone would of lived" I broke out. Peeta stares hard at me.

"It's not that simple Katniss. We couldn't let you just die. You were our only hope" He confesses.

I let out an angry sigh and storm past him, shutting the door on the conversation.

I waltz through the door. The rooms are in total darkness, not a light in sight.

"Peeta?" I call. I take several steps and a sharp pain sarges through my foot.

"OW" I boom, holding my foot up and pricking out the sharp object.

"Peeta?!" I call louder this time, carefully watching out for where i take my steps.

I hear light moans coming from the sitting area. I hurry around the corner. I'm taken back by the pool of blood that has been splattered on the walls and is laying by a thin, figure. Peeta.

Tears stream down my face quicker then ever. I'm by Peeta's side within a flash, clutching his hand. I lay my head on his cold chest, listening desperately for a heartbeat. A small beating appears.

"Now tell me again what happened?" I ask steadily. Peeta is wrapped tightly in the bed, his face resting against several pillows.

"I just had a moment again and this time you weren't here so the only person I could hurt was myself." He admits. I wipe away a stained tear.

"So, you tried to kill yourself?" I utter. His head nods.

"Oh Peeta" I whisper, grabbing hold of him and wrapping myself in his arms.

"I told you I was dangerous.. not just to you, but to myself as well" He says. I turn away from his gaze. I hate letting Peeta see me cry.

"Katniss..?" I hear. I sniffle and wipe away at my tears. Before I know it i'm wrapped in Peeta's arms, letting out my emotions. Everything's coming back to me. Prim's death, Gale's betrayal, sweet Rue, Coin's lies, Snow's ignorance, Peeta's hijacking and my father. Salty-like tears are soaking Peeta's robe. Gasping for more air, I turn my head and cry some more. A light touch strokes my hair, soothing my pain. But this time, I can't just ignore my fears. My worries. My losses. I have to let them out, like Peeta always says.

"Shhhh" Peeta says, still gently rubbing me. My hands tighten on his skin, fingernails gripping. He doesn't seem to care about the pain that I'm causing him, he just sits, still trying to calm me down.

"It'll be okay one day" Peeta insists. One day. And then it all hits me. I'm in love with Peeta. Really, honestly. He never leaves my mind. He's always there, mentally and physically. It's just incomprehensible. He's my one stable force as I am to him. My life is always changing and i justâ€¦. trust him. To stay with me. Always. He's my one stability in my endless world of chaos. And I need that in my life. I love him so much for that. I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM. He's everything to me and I can't see the end with us.

"Peeta" I say finally, after my sobs stop.

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"You love me?"

"Yes..¦ but can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything?"

"What is love to you..?"

"Oh.. well," He starts, " It's just this feeling... And the pit of your stomach doesn't cover it. It's stretches everywhere. It's overwhelming, complete, and... immeasurable, in a way. Without bound or length, or depth. Absolute. Unchanging and ever-changing simultaneously. Fiery. And yet, safe. As though someone has given you a peace. Something nothing else could have quenched." He breathes for air, then continues, " It's wanting to give them everything. It's being the last thing you think about at night, and the first thing you think about in the morning. It's closing your eyes and seeing a future together, as one and as two. It's also work. Working to keep stable on the ship. It's being able to kiss your best friend. Having butterflies and a constant elevated heartbeat with even a single graze of the hand. It's feeling completely and utterly unworthy of this kind of love. It's passion, yet comfort... an insane sort of sanity. That's what love is Katniss.. and thats what I felt from the day I first saw you. I mean that" He finishes.

I sit there, stumbling for words, for something to say.

"Well..? say something" He asks, grazing my arm with his fingertips.

"I'm not good at saying something.. remember?" I reply. Instead I don't hesitate, and plant a kiss on his lips. It feels like a thousand winds are rushing around us, like nothing else matters. Except out love.


	4. Chapter 4

I hold myself limply against the wall as i feel an aching sensation run through my body and to my head. It is excruciating. It is a pain like i have never experienced before. At the moment, I want to just grab my head and scream "stop!" but i can't even lift my arms against the pain i feel.

"Katniss?" I hear a soft whisper from beside me.

"Peeta!" I pretend to not be weary and in pain, and instead kiss him hello.

"I heard you whimpering, and moaning.. are you alright?" He asks gently, stroking my skin. I watch his eyes, how they travel directly to my stomach, staring hard. I found too that I was staring at Peeta. He could not take his eyes away from it. He was still.

"Peeta..?" I lisp. His eyes take action and return, staring back at me.

"Yes Katniss?" He broke out, coming back to reality.

"You were.. well.. kind of staring. Like you weren't even here." I explain barely. His apple's head bobbles in his throat, showing nervosity.

"Really? Hmph.. weird" He laughs. He walks briskly past me, his shoulders held high.

I narrow my eyebrows.

"Peeta! What were you so intrigued by?" I ask more impatient this time, sliding my foot along the tiles.

"I-I can't remember.. I must have zoned out". He starts piling dishes, fumbling for the tap.

His hands are shaking carefully, like he's trying desperately to keep me from noticing. My heart cramps up, gathering speed. I know my attempt at asking again is hopeless.

His voice is much lower this time when he speaks again.

"Katniss, do you remember that night?.. a couple weeks ago?"

"No" I lie. Yes. of course i remember that night. How could i forget it? It was the most real experience. Like nothing else mattered.

"Well, it was something we both hadn't ever done before, and we did.. together. I noticed you having pains earlier. You could be..," He stops, swallowing, then continuing, "pregnant".

I lay with my head against my pillow, Peeta's hand nursing my stomach. I can't breathe anymore. Not normally anyway, with another feeling of life inside me. Weeks passed since Peeta had announced his assumption of me being pregnant. It's not like i wasn't questioning it myself, but I hadn't initially concluded on that idea. It wasn't long until Peeta started being extra cautious of not just me, but our baby. Our. What a silly word. Knowing that Peeta and I not only share a connection but a very tiny egg, that will soon blossom into a new life. One I never wanted. Peeta and I never discussed having children, let alone tieing the knot. It was too much to handle and still is with Peeta's traumatic behaviour and my slowly erupting depression. I have been crying too much lately, more than I should. Peeta thinks it's just the hormones. But It's not. I don't want this baby. I never did. I never will. I swore to myself I would never bring another soul into this world, to live in these conditions i had to. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

"Katniss, how are you feeling?" Peeta's voice broke me. I slided my eyelids open, taking in the world another time.

"Horrible". Peeta sighs.

I hear his cries at night sometimes. I know he wants this baby. I know he would do anything to keep it safe. His cries are for the thirst of family. For companionship. For something he could call his own knowing nothing would make a difference to say otherwise. I love him. I really do. But I can't give him what he wants. Even if I'm already giving it to him.

I sit on the steps of my home. Staring into the snow, watching it fall slowly. Peeta's hand clutching mine in his palm.

"Katniss, I know you don't want this. But I'm not going to let you take this away from me" His words sting my ears. He's finally seeing me for who I am. The real me. I stare away from him, more tears spilling down my cheeks.

"I know i'm being difficult. but you don't know how much this means to me Katniss! I need this. I need something to concentrate on. To make me feel like me again. Something that will link us back together. I want that. And it's not just knowing that I can feel better again, i know you can too. You have to see this as a miracle. As a gift" He theorizes. I can't stand to look at him right now. No matter how right he is. He always is. That's the only thing i hate about him.

"Peeta I'm not going to hurt this thing. It's not just mine, it's yours. It's.. ours." I mumble, wiping away at my tears. Peeta and i don't talk after that. We sit there in silence, still hand in hand. Every now and then i feel a small movement in the pit of my stomach. Like it already can't stand wanting to be here.

"Fresh bread. Eat" Peeta demands, sticking the slice under my nose. I snatch it from his hands and lay it on my plate.

"I'm tired, I'm going to take a nap" I blurt out, not even eating a bite.

"Katniss wait" Peeta insists.

I look across at him. His eyes are swollen and red. He's been crying again.

"Katniss, i've been thinking. I shouldn't be so hard on you. On your decisions. I know you never wanted this baby. Even I can admit It wasn't necessarily the best time for this to come about. But it's here now. And no matter how hard we try, we can't get rid of this burden. It's our job to keep it safe, to make it feel loved, to make sure it knows were here and to always, no matter how hard it gets, love it to the moon and back. That may be hard for you.. for me too, but if we do it together, I think we would do just fine," Peeta glares into my eyes, his grey delicate ones staring into mine. He crouches down beside me, holding my hand in his, "Katniss Everdeen. I love you. I love us. I love this thing we have created. I love that you love me too. I love our love. We know each other. We understand each other. And you are something you can't just discover on a shelf. These last few years I have been looking at everything negative. How honestly crap my life was. With my family abandoning me, and the games. Snows attempt to keep me from you just made me stronger. And it also made me realise there was one thing in my life that was truly beautiful, no matter how ugly the day seems. You. I want you. I need you. So will you be mine? Forever? Will you stay with me?" And with that Peeta finishes, holding a small stoned ring in between his fingers.

"Peeta.. I-I" I'm trying to breathe. I can't. I want to give Peeta what he wants but I'm not letting myself. Once again that sharp pain sears through me. This time more fiercer. I gasp for air, clutching my stomach. I'm trying to keep Peeta's baby safe. It's killing me though.

"Peeta!" I say one more last time, still holding his hand as i fall hard onto the floor. Blood floods my surroundings. And the last thing i see before i black out if Peeta's face. An expression I will never forget. It was more then fear. More then anything I could of anything experience myself before. I want to grip back into my life. With Peeta. With our baby. But I close on the world once again. Wishing for one last thing. For my baby to be okay.


	5. Chapter 5

Why can't I open my eyes. Is it because I don't want to? Because I can't face the truth. No matter how frightening it is? Yes. That's it. I'm scared. I'm so scared. Too scared it's terrifying. There's silence all around me. Maybe I really am dead. Maybe I couldn't hang onto life and i slipped away, without anyone knowing. My theory seems possible until I hear Peeta's cries of pleading. He's asking for me to come back to him. But no ones listening he presumes. My eyelids slide open, revealing the world. It seems brighter than usual. Less frightening.

"Katniss!" Peeta cries. His hands tug me forward, pulling me into a stifling hug.

I engulf his smell. Wanting to never leave his arms again.

"I thought you were dead!" He sobbed, still clutching me tightly.

"Me too" I admit, managing to grasp a breath or two.

He holds me still for a while until I feel heavy in his arms and ask to lie back down.

I'm wanting to feel that pain again. Wanting to feel something to let me know that my baby is still alive. A tear cripples down my cheek.

"Peeta.. Our baby" I spill out, threads of saliva breaking in between my lips. He shakes his head slowly, more tears pouring down his cheeks.

"I knew we had lost it when you fell against the ground and blacked out. So much blood was surrounding you, that i didn't know what to think. I tried to feel it, to hear one sign that it was alive. But i couldn't." He uttered. He cries out his tears as they pour from his eyes, where his clenched fists are blocking his sight. I search for his hand against the woolen of the sofa and find it fallen to his side. I hold it tight. We are crying together now. Wishing that our baby was back, safe and sound with us both.

*new scene*

Peeta and I lay together on our bed, my body snuggled under his arms. I'm wide awake, thinking of life in its worst of forms. Peeta's eyes haven't budged closed either. They are still watching me with great strength, struggling to hold open any longer.

"Amya," I bubble out loud, Jolting Peeta's eyes open wider, "That's what i wanted to call her" i admit.

"Her?" Peeta asks.

"If it was a girl anyway… but if it was a boy-" I am cut off from Peeta.

"You would name him Emerson. You told me once"

I close my lips together.

"They're both beautiful names Katniss" Peeta exclaims.

"What about you? Did you ever consider any names?" I ask, surprised that I was the first out of us both.

"Hope. Because in the worst of days, hope was something in the back of all of our minds. We wanted it the most. We needed it the most aswell. So in recognition of you Katniss, giving all of the districts this, I wanted her to be named Hope." He explains.

I lift my head from his chest and stare once again into his eyes, which I seem to do way too often.

"That's beautiful Peeta.. truly" I admit. I reach forward and push my hand through his silky-like hair. I lay my lips against his, tightening my grasp on him. He doesn't decline my offer and instead urges forward, turning one small kiss into many long-lasting ones. I'm sitting over the top of him, my legs by each of his sides. I'm starting to enjoy this moment, when my mind races over each crippling memory. I jump back, frightened by my thoughts. My dead baby is resting in my arms, it's skin falling away and its presence lingering in the air. It's tiny mouth opens wide and speaks a sound.

"YOU KILLED ME"

I scream aloud and throw my arms in the air. My eyes scan the bedroom for my baby. She's not there. She never was.

"Katniss! What happened?!" Peeta whimpers.

My breathing is heavy.

"Katniss!" Peeta demands. I'm blocked by my thoughts. I can' think straight. Why? My back is rested against the poles of the bed, Peeta directly in front of me, his expression unstable.

"I d-don't know exactly" I say quietly, barely enough for myself to hear. My eyes ponder to his, whose are dodging my look.

"What do you mean?! What did you see?" He pants.

"Our baby. She was dead.. well kind of.. she spoke to me" I say frightened. Peeta's face drops.

"So she really is dead.." He ponders.

"What is that supposed to mean? You said yourself she was" I explain, my anger bottling up.

"Hey! i'm not a qualified doctor okay?! I can't just see through people and see the truth. Unfortunately" He bellows.

I grit my teeth, trying to shut out my anger I have been wanting to let out for ages. To let out the deaths of everyone and my deep depression.

"PEETA SHUT UP OKAY!" I scream. I watch his face fuzz up. He wants to stop me from this anger but he can't, because he knows he has these moments too. Instead he slides from the bed and walks out the door, closing the door behind him. I sit there in pain. Tears wanting to come out but I'm resisting to be weak.

*new scene*

I push open the door to our bedroom and see Peeta resting against the armchair. He watches me walk in, his mouth closed tight and his expression plain. I stay still by the door.

"Yes" I announce. He seems surprised, his eyebrows raised.

"What?" he asks strangely.

"Yes. I will marry you"

His mouth falls open, but no words fall out.

"The other day when you asked me to marry you. For me to stay with you? I never got to reply. Because that day we lost something so special to us both. And If it weren't for you being here with me, god knows what I'd be like right now. Possibly unable to leave my room and lasting on tears for the rest of my life. So Peeta I need you. I want you so bad it scares me to death. But that whole children thing.. we may have to step back from for a while. But I promise one day I can give you what you want. So Yes. I will stay with you. Always" I finish. He jolts forward. His arms scoop me up and pull me into a deep kiss.

**"I love you Katniss Everdeen."**

I smile wide.

**"I love you too Peeta Mellark."**


	6. Chapter 6

***Before i proceed onto chapter 6, i would just like to thank everyone for your support with this story and thank-you for so many views :')***

**Chapter 6.**

Peeta tugs on my shirt, pulling me awake and out of my sleep. I lift my eyes open and see his face staring into mine, his mouth curling into a smile.

"Morning" He giggles cheekily. I rub my eyes more awake and stretch my arms out in front of me.

"Morning" I yawn. I slide closer to Peeta so we are inches apart, our breathing intertwined.

"Can you believe it?" He asks, laying his hand on my thigh.

"Believe what?"

"That we are engaged?" He proclaims. My mind races back to the night before, when I had agreed to marry Peeta.

"No.. not yet" I admit. I rest my hand on his cheek and trace my fingers along his skin. It's warm and has a soft texture, like a baby's bottom. He closes his eyes and enjoys this moment, pulling his spare hand to lay over mine. Our fingers lock together and I pull our hands towards my mouth, turning them over and planting a peck on Peeta's.

**new scene**

First it was a vegetable garden. Then it was teaching him how to hunt. It soon turned into us returning favors more than ever. Peeta taught me to bake. Not only breads and buns, but cakes as well.

"Okay so press your palms into the dough and roll them out" Peeta explains. I do as I'm told and roll out the dough. It presses to the countertop, flattening out on each of it's sides.

"Like this?" I ask. He nods his head. I continue to roll the dough out, each roll ending with my hands covered in the doughy substance. I turn to Peeta, who is watching me with steady eyes.

I push my fingers against his face and the dough squashes against his skin, leaving smears down his cheeks. His mouth opens wide, letting out a laugh i have never heard before. His teeth glimmer bright as he laughs some more. Before I know it, he has threatened to drop flour over my head. With the half full bag dangling over my head, still held tightly within Peeta's grip, I rest my sight on him. He is giggling between his breaths, still watching me carefully.

"Don't you dare" I laugh, trying to dodge quickly out from beneath the bag of flour. I'm too slow though and Peeta has dropped the flour all over me. I'm covered in the small grains. He let's out another loud laugh and I lunge at him, knocking both of us to the ground and into the pool of flour that covers the ground. I'm laying over him, laughing. His smile widens. I'm taken back by this moment and kiss him deeply on the lips, curling my arms around his head. He wraps his arms around my body and scoops me up, pulling me closer to him. He's carrying me upstairs, the flour drooping of the both of us and we continue to engulf in each other. I'm thrown from Peeta and onto the bed, where I'm buried suddenly under Peeta. We continue to exchange kisses. Every now and then flour pouring into our mouths and snuffling down our nostrils.

**new scene**

Peeta and I have been hidden beneath the woods for half an hour, listening intently for the sounds of breakfast.

"Shh" I demand, Peeta quick to cooperate and quieten his movements. My eyes are focused on a small deer, slurping water from a puddle.

"Okay, quick. Arm the bow and fire at the deer by that tree alright?" I hiss quietly. Peeta's eyes follow mine and rest on the deer.

"I can't Katniss.. I can't kill it. It's so small" He sputters, his arms falling to his sides.

I sigh heavily and snatch the bow from his grip.

"Okay I'll do it" I assure him, setting up the bow.

"No" He stammers, pushing the bow down.

"Peeta we need food, whether you like it or not" I argue. I lay the bow against my cheek and pull the arrow back. I let it go and it surges forward into the deer.

"Ah" Peeta moans, covering his eyes and turning his back to me.

"Breakfast is served" I snicker, sneaking a small smile.

As I make my way over to collect the deer, Peeta pleading to stay behind, my mind skims over what just happened. Am I really that inconsiderate. Why am I not affected by killing these innocent animals whilst Peeta is. I scoop up the deer by both it's ankles and throw it over my shoulders, a trickle of blood falling down my jacket.

"Here," I say, handing it Peeta, " I want you to skin it" I imply. His face turns to disgust.

"You want me to skin it?!" He protests, pushing his hands out in front of him, signalling a barricade.

"No, i want you to bathe it, then dress it in the finest clothes," I declare sarcastically, shooting him a look, "Yes of course I want you to skin it!" I claim.

He hollers his hand out and I close its ankles between Peeta's grip. He shivers slightly, whilst making a puking motion with his mouth.

"Oh quit it" I say.

We head back to the house. I teach Peeta how to skin the deer correctly, as we wait for the bread we made earlier to brown up in the oven.

**new scene**

The sun is beating down on our skin, causing sweat to pour from our bodies. I tug on a root that has forced itself into the ground.

"Here," Peeta says, closing his hands around mine, "Let me help". We pull it out together, dirt throwing itself in our faces.

"Pfhhhft" I spit the dirt from my mouth.

We turn our attention to the wild onion roots that we hurdled from the woods and re-planted in our garden. They have turned shrivelled, small signs of mould showing on the base.

"Well, no onions with our rabbit then" I say, tossing the roots over my shoulder.

Peeta glares at the remains of them.

"What a waste" He sighs.

We continue to pull up roots as the sun starts coming down. We bail on the remains of them and head back inside, our heads floating and our bellies empty.

"Lucky we still have some deer left from yesterday" I affirm, and head to the bench. I tear some off from the bone and stuff it greedily into my mouth, my belly chortling to the rhythm of my chewing.

"Want some?" I ask, my mouth full.

"No thanks..," Peeta says, looking sick, "I'm gonna go clean off, come with,?" He asks softly, "You know just incase I try to drown myself" He jokes. I drop the slice i was eating and stop chewing. I swallow hard, trying to make sense of the 'joke'.

"Aha.. yeah. I um.. better than" I retort back. He holds my hand in his and leads me to the bathroom, closing the door behind us.

He lifts off his tattered shirt, revealing his bruises and scars from the outcome of the capitol.

"Would you like to do the honours?" He asks, handing me the sponge.

"Sure" I say, wiping my hands along my pants then taking the sponge in my grip. I roll it around on his chest, smearing soap down his stomach and scrubing hard on the places where the dirt has really claimed him.

"Right than. There you are" I say, placing the sponge back down again and handing him a towel.

"Do you want me to do you now?" He taunts. I choke hard on my swallow and raise my hand, shaking it through my hair nervously.

"Why not" I burst out, regretting it cleanly after. He grips the edges of my shirt and lifts it above my head. I'm left standing with only my bra to cover my chest. I'm nervous. I don't know why. Peeta has seen me with less clothes on.. or even none at all.

He places the wet substance on my skin and rubs it in circular motions. I place my arms on my hips, letting Peeta focus he finishes, I'm quick to pull my top back on. But I'm left feeling even more nervous, watching Peeta decline to put his back on. o-oh.


	7. Chapter 7

*This is so crazy! I've had a ton of support from you guys, not just with the reviews but also with messages as well. I'm blown away by how much you are all asking for more chapters! :') It means so much to me! ...and the views.. omg. THANKYOU. I am trying to get a chapter out each night, but I promise if I can't get one up one night, it will definitely be posted the next day. I started writing this way earlier but I have been blocked all day for this chapter. I'm sorry this chapter is late by the way :( It's now midnight and I am still kinda blocked and I also have a mass headache, so I apologise how lousy this chapter is. ugh. anyway, I love you all, keep sharing this around and more importantly reading! 3*

*also please leave reviews as to what you may want to see happen in the upcoming chapters maybe?*

Chapter 7.

I move forwards without thinking, wrapping my arms around his neck, my eyes zooming from his eyes to his lips and back. Peeta grabs my hips and gently pulls our bodies together, and I bite my lip eagerly. There is heat between us, radiating, making us glow. I press my lips to his. For a moment my brain shuts down, and the pure happiness of our shape-shifting mouths swirling and puckering overcome's my entire body. The sweat on my brow cools, my hairs on my skin stand aware, waiting to shoot off into space at any moment. My arms squeeze my head against his, my fingers tracing their way through the back of his hair while Peeta's explore my curves and thighs. His arms lift me from the ground and I'm placed onto the counter, our mouths still intwine.

What am I doing. I feed myself the thought. The question that stings my mind. I pull my lips away from his, a cold breeze of empty air brushing past them instantly. I want his taste back again. His lips pressed against mine forever.

"Peeta" I huff, letting my arms drop to my sides. I'm still trying to catch my breath.

"I'm sorry," He croaks, his breathing steading to a halt, "This is too much, i agree"

"No it's not that Peeta," I say, scraping my arms down his, "It's just.. with everything going on.. I don't think this would solve our issues" I admit. I hated saying that. I regretted it immediately after. Seeing Peeta's reaction would never solve anything.

"Oh, right.. okay" He agrees sadly. He turns his back to me with misery and slides his shirt back over his head.

"How about we just rest then, that I'm sure doesn't involve anything.. to passionate" He jokes, a small smile spreading across his face. I take his hand in mine and jump from the counter. We walk slowly back to our room, my head resting against his shoulder and my arms linked with his one and grasping it tightly. He turns the knob carefully open, our empty, cold-aired bedroom coming into sight.

"Hmph," Peeta breathes heavily from his nose, a trickle of echo escaping from his throat, "Bedtime" He announces. It seems less fun than I thought.

*new scene*

It's early morning, the sun is signalling. Birds from outside the windows are chirping loudly, demanding to be fed and noticed. Something I'm feeling exactly right now. I go to steal some away from Peeta but when I turn over, all I feel is a space of emptiness.

"Peeta?" I question, lifting my head from my pillow and scanning the room. The air is cold, streaming in from the floor boards and entering between the cracks in the walls.

"Yes?"

I turn my attention to the corner of the room, where a limp figure lay in the armchair. He looks as flat and extremely lanky.

"Peeta? w-what are you doing?" I ask curiously, squinting into the darkness, still struggling to see him.

"I got up early.. went for a walk, then came back in here. I've been watching you sleep ever since" He confesses, spilling out his cheeks as he speaks. Normally I would find that extremely creepy and odd. But I seem to find it strangely comforting.

"Oh," Is all I can manage to say.

He straightens up and heads over to me, sliding onto the bed and falling flat on his back.

"It's been a long year" He sighs, blowing cool air from his puckered lips.

"It has hasn't it.. and a tough one" I add. I fall back onto the sheets next to Peeta. I feel a slight movement and the next moment Peeta's finger have linked with mine. We don't say anything more from then on. We just lay there. Everyone now and then Peeta sheds a tear. I know how he feels. This year has been utterly hell. Worse than Worse. It will be nice to have a break.

*new scene*

It's the week leading up to Christmas. Peeta and I have spent our days preparing breads and rolls, putting together small ornaments to hang on our newly dug-up christmas tree. We stand beside each other, fishing our hands into our decoration box and pulling out garnishes for the tree. Our hands dunk into the box together, contacting each others. My smile grows wider.

"This is looking great Katniss" Peeta admits. Surprisingly, I agree. The tree is glimmering with decorations. The smell of cookies and feasting food has settled in our home. It's finally starting to feel like Christmas.

I tread into the kitchen, pacing around the table and stealing snippets of food.

"Stop" Peeta says immediately. I stop in my steps, my mouth overflowing with bread.

He spins me around, holding my wrists in his palms.

"Mistletoe" He announces is a soft, irresistible tone. I glare up to the ceiling. A small branch full of luminous, green leaves is dangling from the roof, hovering over our heads.

I smile a wide, toothed smile food sticking out from each corner of my mouth. Peeta's face screws up.

"At least swallow first.." He laughs, his body jolting up and down. I quickly swallow. His hands pull me into him, resting onto my waist. I throw my arms tightly around his neck and I shove his head fiercely towards mine, our lips tampering together. It's not a rough kiss, but a slow, beautiful one. Our lips unclip from each others, both of our breathes growing heavier. We both pull away slowly, trying to make this moment last.

"There's more where that came from" He finishes, giggling. I smile once again.

"You'd want to watch your back from now on.. you never know when you might stop under another mistletoe" His eye winks in my direction and he walks away, his arms swaying happily down his sides. I stand in the kitchen, re-thinking over the moment I just had with Peeta.

*new scene*

It's Christmas Eve night. Outside is silent, but my mind is racing with thoughts, making the world seem heavier. Peeta and I are wrapped in each others arms, falling slowly asleep. His breaths echo through my ears, but warm up my cheeks. It's a cool flush of air, that never leaves, Just passes through every moment. My eyes feel like weights. I'm struggling to hold them open. I'm assuming Peeta's fast asleep. He once told me how as a child growing up, Christmas would never fail to excite him, even if he knew there would be nothing to wake up to except a cold, stale breakfast and an abusing mother. I never had a proper christmas either, but Prim would always make a fuss about it. Her and Mother would whip up a casual meal but we would enjoy it thoroughly better than any other night. We just had to imagine. Each Christmas mother would send us off to bed early, telling us how much we meant to her and that she loved us no matter what. That she was sorry we couldn't have everything but to appreciate what we did have. We wouldn't wake up to much. But mum always had one gift for us. From some buttons, to a wooden frame for a picture. I'm distracted from my pacing mind.

"Katniss"

I hear a small, faint voice from beside me. Obviously I was wrong. Peeta must be awake. Has he known I have been to this whole time? Have we both just been laying here together, failing to close our eyes.

"Peeta, I'm fine, go back to sleep" I assure him.

"No, I know that," He insists, not moving away from me as he speaks, "I just wanted to tell you.. Merry Christmas Katniss" He adds. A swirl of joy erupts in me.

"Merry Christmas Peeta" I say softly back.

I snap my eyelids closed from then on. Trying to keep them jammed shut. I want to sleep but I can't. It may be from the cold, night air. Yes that's it. Suddenly i feel a burst in the pit of my stomach. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know why i can't sleep. I feel so tired. I want to close my eyes right now and wake up again straight away to the new day ahead of us. Where Peeta and I can spend the day snuggling by the fire and feasting on food. I understand quickly why I can't sleep. I'm excited.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8.

I watched as the sun began to slowly brighten up the dull sky. I had been up for almost an hour now, listening to the soft sounds of nature going about its way. The clock read 6:03 a.m. I had always been an early bird, ever since I could remember. Having to hunt in the early mornings to catch the best food was the downside of the skill. But it always made for good benefits.

I sighed aloud and leaned back into my pillow. Just another ordinary day; nothing to look forward to. Peeta and I may whip up more batches of dough and possibly bake them too.

But wait, there was something to look forward to!

I just remembered, today was Christmas day! Now I began to smell it. The decadent aroma of Peeta's homemade cheese scones. I got up and rambled down the stairs, eager to see what was awaiting me. Today was going to be a good day…

My feet caught on the bottom step, preventing me any further. I let my eyes peer around the pointed corner, taking in the sights of flashing lights and a handsome blonde delicately planted in the middle of the room, holding a small, rectangular box. My mouth took a hold of me and forced a genuine smile, one i haven't formed in many weeks. Months maybe. Peeta stood, taken a back in his nightgown, apparently surprised by my presence.

"Morning?" I clucked, clutching my waist in two hands. Peeta still held the box in front of him, easily projecting it forward for me to take hold of it.

"And what's this?" I asked softly, taking hold of the rectangle and feeling the thin paper along my fingertips. It's a solid shape. Eliminating any chance of it been a 'comfortable' object.

My eyelids widen, and i take this moment in. This moment filled of warmth and comfort. Love and lust. And Peeta. My perfect Peeta. My nail clips underneath the wrapping and tears the corner. I pull it back with the rest of my tips and let the paper fall to my feet. I stare at the plain brown box. I feel nerved to pull open the rest of the box, to reveal what lays inside. Maybe more buttons? Maybe a pin? I'm clueless as to what it will be.

"Peeta, I have something for you as well" I announce. His face tightens and his cheeks rise.

"Yeah?" He questions passionately, laying his palms on my waist.

"Yes" I affirm him.

"But first you have to open yours" He snaps.

I smile more, tightening my hold on the box. I stare back down at it and let my hands work around the edges, grasping the lid of it in the edges of my fingers. The lid flaps off without a worry. My eyes glide to the object, laying neatly in the bottom of the box. A small wire holds together several beads that dangle from the cord. The beads are playfully coloured. One white one stuck in the middle between an apple green one, and a sunset like orange one. Our two favourite colours. My heart pounds throughout my whole body. Allowing me to feel it in my wrists, temple and chest. A small tear trickles down my cheek, leaving a smearing trail down my face. It's wiped quickly away by Peeta's rough fore finger. I take hold of Peeta's eyes with mine, staring at his baby blue irises. His sclera is glowing with a fierce snow colour. They're too beautiful today. Happier. Healthier.

"Peeta I-I love it" I manage to utter through my chokes of tears. His arms snake around me, pulling me closer to him. I trail my arms around his neck, tipping my head into the crook of his neck.

"Now, enjoy it," He giggles, "You deserve something special, from the heart" He adds lovingly. I pull back slowly, letting a smile spread gracefully across my face.

"Your turn" I sneer. I lay the box on the table beside me and pull my robe from my shoulders. My heart pumps harder, turning into swift beats, concluding with a rhythm. I stand bare in front of Peeta, letting him guess over his gift. One thing I knew Peeta definitely wanted was me. Not a painting or a cloth or a useless item. Just me. And I was ready to let him have me again. His eyes blossomed like a rose in the spring. He was delighted, that's for sure.

"Katniss, you don't have to do this" He muttered quickly, throwing his arms out in front of him, waving crazily.

"I want to" I interject, plummeting my hands against his. My lips meet his skin on his neck and I plant many more up to his lips. My bare skin grinding against him is causing me to lose myself in this moment. I'm scared. What if i can't control myself with him this time. His hands explore my body, but don't dare to interfere with any of the pleasurable parts. Peeta's lips on mine are satisfying. They make me feel free. Like nothing else matters in the world except me and him in this moment. Peeta pulls back quickly, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Katniss, I'm scared. What if I hurt you" He stumbles.

"You won't. You didn't the first time"

"But that was last time. What if it happens this time"

"It won't"

"It could" He protests.

I'm slightly taken aback by Peeta's sudden refusal to have me.

"Why don't you want to spend this day with me? I thought you wanted this?" I question back, my lips trembling.

They're stopped shaking by Peeta's soft lips gripping my bottom one, letting the tingling sensation spread through my body.

"I do. I want this so bad it scares me" He mutters under his breath. His words flutter over my lips, his breath warming my skin. Our eyes meet, inches from one anothers.

"I want this too" I beam, my back steadily upright whilst my chest practically touches his.

We smile together, a toothy appearance gazing over each other.

**I know this chapter is shorttt. But i'm devastatingly dead at the moment. Stay tuned for Chapter 9 soon!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

January comes around quicker than ever. The snow is still fiercely plowing down from the sky and is covering the land with flakes of white. Christmas day still held strong memories for Peeta and I. The feelings would distract me daily, rushing through me like a bolt fluid. His hands on my skin would leave my body curdling. I could never think of anything better. Never.

***new scene***

I jump awake, listening to Peeta's howls of breath in my ear. His streams of air are warm on my skin, preventing goosebumps from the winter breeze. I force myself deeper into his hold, wrapping the blanket over my body and resting the edge under the pillow. I'm not sure what the exact time is, but by the loud whistles of the birds and the sun beams sneaking in through the window, I can tell it's practically morning. The air grows colder, seeming like it's fighting against the sun and is devastatingly winning. It feels as if my hunger has spread all through my body. Tiny pinches are felt on my skin, penetrating only the first two layers. Peeta's long fillet arm snakes around torso firmer. He pulls me to him, leaving a wet kiss on the tip of my ear. I feel his teeth sliding along the skin, biting lightly to tease me awake.

"Morning then" I giggle, lifting my head up to level us. His bright toothy smile comes into view, announcing he had a generous amount of sleep.

"Shall we get up?" Peeta questions, attempting to hold his eyelids open. I answer his question by ripping the blanket from our bodies and throwing it over the bracket. My feet hit the icy floor, sending shivers through legs. My locks of hair cover my sight. It's always disastrous in the mornings, wild as the woods, untamable and a danger to the comb. Peeta's is always tidy though. Placed carefully in stable parts over his scalp, forming a beautiful crown. I love his hair. Especially letting my fingers slide through the smoothness of it and burying my face into it sometimes. I carry my body weight across the hall into the bathroom opposite our bedroom. Lifting my singlet over my head, i stare down at my stomach. The one that used to be plain and fairly fed. Now it's covered in bruises and scratches, and has been starved. I feel ashamed. I should of taken better care of myself. And Prim. And Mom. And Peeta. But i was still selfless and didn't care for myself or anyone for the matter. Peeta comes up softly behind me, his footsteps barely noticeable. He lets his arms wrap tightly around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder.

"Peeta, give me your hand" I say, holding my hand out. He slides his hand down my arm and stops it in the palm of mine, intertwining our fingers.

"Here" He responds delicately.

I let our hands fall to my side, still held together. I want to hold his hand forever. To never let it go or break his promise's. To love him. To never let him go again.

***new scene***

I can't necessarily explain how it happened. It just did. I felt the same feelings I did the first time. The same expression was stuck on my face. The same words flew out of my mouth.

Peeta's hands were always there to comfort the spot I feared most. The spot I knew had damaged me once. The same place a life had come and gone. I wasn't scared this time round, because I knew what I was in for. I had to take care of it. I had to protect it from death. Something that had taken my baby once before. I wasn't going to let that happen again.

We seemed happier together as the months moved on. As my stomach grew more and more and my feelings lifted higher and higher. My fear was growing the most though. I was scared for the life I was letting grow inside of me. I never knew if i was going to fall down and let my baby die like I had the first time. Like I had let the blood spurt from my body.

Peeta and I spent most nights arguing over the perfect name for it. Over if it would be a female or a male. I knew it would be a little girl stirring inside of me the first time I could even sense she was in there. Her gentle kicks pounding against my belly, her very little thrusts she made and her generous amount of pain gave her away instantly. Peeta insisted she was a boy. He tried to convince me that those 'little kicks' were only small due to the fact that he would be a mummy's boy, and didn't want to hurt me. I tossed the thought from my head, still believing she was a her.

Peeta received the 'I told you so' look on the 26th of September. I had heard a loud wailing sound piercing through the walls. It was hard to believe it had came from such a tiny creature.

It was the most beautiful thing. As she cried, I admired the soft cackling and gasping sounds that belonged only to the cry of a baby, her scrunched up cheeks like soft cotton balls and her tears which caught the light as they ran down her tiny face. It was when she looked into my eyes for the first time, that she stopped crying and I began. I could hear my baby crying, the longing in her voice for her mother. I could hear the distress, she felt confused and abandoned, it sounded like sirens and the screeching only grew harsher and louder. I let my arms tighten around her infant body, as the sweat trickled from my scalp. Peeta laid next to me, his mouth covered with the palm of his hands and his eyes overwhelmed with tears. I ran my fingertips along her head, tiny prickles of hair were sprouting slowly, showing signs of definite brown. Her deep blue iris's caught mine again and her crying came to a sudden halt. She wasn't distressed anymore, she was wide eyed and glaring at me, enjoying the soft rocks i was giving her in my arms. It was Peeta's turn to hold her for the first time, to have her in his hold where she couldn't be taken. He was letting his tears drop against her scalp, smearing them away with small kisses immediately. The colour that was lost from his face for months now was slowly returning, glowing delicately in his cheeks. I lay exhausted against the sofa, letting the blanket cover my bare body and draining the excess liquid that still drips from my skin. Peeta's gaze catches mine for an instant. I know he's happy now. I know that I've given him the only thing he desperately wanted.

Her name is given to her prior to her birth. Her ears get used to hearing the soft name been overused on purpose. When she hears it, her ears perk up at the sense, taking in her name once again and responding with a gaze at Peeta and I. When Peeta speaks it, his tongue swirls in a gentle drift, letting it roll of his tongue. When I say it, my heart adds an extra beat. She drifts off to sleep, listening to her name been called over and over in song. As we head to sleep at nights, we think over the name and the meaning behind it. Ruby Rose Mellark. The meaning of hope.

***HEY GUYS SO I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER! I KNOW IT ESCALATED VERY QUICKLY BUT I JUST COULDN'T WAIT ANY LONGER. If you don't understand the name i have given her, Ruby (a name to do with Rue) and her middle name Rose (a name to do with Primrose) :) ***


	10. Chapter 10 FINAL

*Hey everyone. okay. this will be the final chapter of gives me hope. I loved writing it and would of loved to do more but it really wasn't going anywhere, mainly just waffle but i still liked it. this chapter has been written over a period of days so i would appreciate a review below of the chapter or the whole thing if you like :) thankyou for all the support you have given me when writing this, so many overwhelming reviews and the FOLLOWS omg. :') i will miss the everlark drabble but another book will be coming soon. i pinky promise. and without further ado, i now give you Gives Me Hope FINAL.*

GIVES ME HOPE. CHAPTER 10. FINAL.

She takes her first step, pressing it against the ground and slumbering forward onto all fours. I catch her in my arms, pressing her body against mine and swaying her in praise.

"Mama" She dribbles out, a long thin line of saliva swings like a vine from her bottom lip.

A smile crosses out across my cheeks, making Ruby's mouth open wide in awe and letting her infant baby teeth show.

A soft, square cloth brushes across her face, wiping away the smears of spit. Peeta pulls the cloth back towards him, folding it up into a tiny rectangular shape and shoving it back into the pocket of his sweats.

"There we go" Peeta intones, "All clean"

"Thankyou" I sputter. Peeta leans down onto his heels and finally lands his bottom onto the ground next to me. His large hand takes mine and his thumb grazes down my veins, making them bubble with delight.

"How are my girls today?" He questions, running his left palm across Ruby's forehead, pushing away the ignorant streaks of hair in her eyes.

"We're good" I affirm, "Actually, we are great. Ruby the skilled here just took her first step" I announce happily.

"Ruby Rose you did not?!" Peeta squeals with delight, taking her into his arms and flying her through the air above his head. Ruby tries to suppress her giggle, holding her cheeks in with difficulty before bursting into a loud laugh. Her laugh is contagious and is more like an evil cackle then an expression of amusement.

Peeta's cheeks go red as his arms are still twisting and turning Ruby's body high in the air. His guffaws echo the whole room, causing my laughter too spill and erupt out loud.

My stomach turns instantly, causing my laughter to fade and my cheeks to be filled with overwhelming vile. I bolt upright instantly and sprint across the room to the bathroom, searching desperately for the toilet bowl. It comes out almost immediately, spewing out excessively. I stay kneeling over the bowl for a few moments, my head spinning.

"Katniss! what's wrong?" Peeta bursts through the door frame, stops and doesn't dare to come any closer to the mess i had just caused.

"Peeta.." I murmur out, smearing away the extra sick from the vertices of my mouth, "I think I might be pregnant again", I manage to get out before another round of it comes boiling up through my throat.

*new scene*

"You always liked the name Emerson.. how about that?" Peeta suggests as he has another attempt at tying up the back laces of my dress.

"No" I blurt out instantly. Emerson was crossed off my list the day after my first unborn baby had became a piece of blue sky in this world. I couldn't ever name another of my children that.

"Okay then. How about… Darius?" He takes a shot again. I roll my eyes in despair and turn ever so quickly, making the lace straps slip from his hands. I stare at his face.

"Darius? really?" I asked puzzled and angry.

"I'll take that as a no" He mumbles, shifting my body around and taking the straps into his hands again. I breathe in, allowing the straps to tighten around my swollen belly and hold it in place. Flat. His fingers make the last of the knot and he steps away from the masterpiece.

"I like… Finn" I state, watching Peeta's expression carefully. It's emotionless.

"Finn it is then." He agrees carelessly, taking steps towards the door.

"Wait wait wait" I protest, throwing my arms out in front of me and blocking Peeta's way.

"Why did you not care so much? this will be something you will have to call your son if it is the whole of his life.. are you sure you're okay with that?" I crow, narrowing my eyebrows suspiciously. His eyes watch me nervously, a swallow escaping down his throat.

"Of course I am.. just put down the coat hanger first.." He stutters. I remember I'm holding the hanger in my grasp. Peeta jumps out my way and hovers out the door, not daring to look back at me. I rest the coat hanger on the door knob and plant myself in the frame of the mirror. I can barely fit in the thing anymore. My sides are expanding rapidly and my stomach is growing at an impulsing rate its alarming. It's a surprise Peeta still finds me attractive anymore.

*new scene*

The spoon rests in her mouth, her tiny teeth digging it's mark into the thick metal. I clench the grip and wrestle it from her hold, finally retrieving it but it filled with soggy strands of saliva and run down mush. She lets out an escalated giggle, her nose dripping with unsatisfying mucus. My nose flares up disturbingly at the sight and I run a thin napkin down her stained cheeks.

"Rube's you need to be more cleaner.." I smirk. Her eyes adjust to mine, widening in admiration as i dip the spoon back into the beaten vegetables. She takes in every step, as though revising it thoroughly but loses interest as the spoon has disappeared back inside her mouth. Her hair is flustered over her eyes as Peeta's hand takes charge of the spoon.

"I'll do it," Peeta assures me, taking the piece of cutlery from her mouth and resting it besides the bowl, "You're exhausted". I smile at him passionately and slide from the chair, offering it to Peeta. He seats himself in it and continues my job. I pace slowly over to the couch and fall into the soft fabric that lines the cotton wool. My eyes sink into the spongy setting. My arms slide down my sides, retrieving a blanket from in between my feet. I pull it up to my neck and close my eyes, desperately trying to close my eyes and get some well needed sleep.

"Ruby open up wide" Peeta says happily, extending his phrase of the 'e'. I let a smile cross across my face, spreading all over my face. The last thing I hear before I drift off to sleep are the mesmerizing giggles of Ruby's playful vocals. Her satisfying attempts at throwing the food directly at Peeta and Peeta's dignifying outbursts at the splattered food over him. I hear her being scoldingly tickled to the point where her breathing becomes pants for breaths. I hear Peeta's deafening screams of happiness as he lifts her through the air, her body drifting like an airplane above his blonde, rustled hair. But most of all, I hear the over joy in my families voices. They're happy. I'm happy.

*new scene*

Finn Mellark is born on a wednesday. Said to be the most kind of heart humans. He grows at a sturdier rate then Ruby Rose, shooting upright every day, burying his sister. Ruby now can talk. She likes to make out sounds and rhythms using parts of her body, banging her elbows in a psychotic pattern against the floorboards and clicking her fingers together in every beat. She sings aloud in a angelic like voice, although sometimes her words are waffle. Finn took the less approaching side of the genes and stuck to staying quiet. He never fussed over the food he was given, never whined and threw tantrums when he didn't get what he wanted and never seemed to get the hang of talking until after his first 18 months.

The sun is dying away, sinking into the ground and allowing the moon to take its place. This signals bedtime for Ruby and Finn. I take hold of Ruby's slimy like hand and clench it in my much larger one, managing to hold the now fast asleep Finn over my shoulder. I reach their shared room, asking Ruby to open up the door. She grips the handle tightly and pushes it open with strife, making her knuckles go bone white. Finn falls from my shoulders and lands gently into his crib, not making a move. Ruby's hand still holds mine in hers as I plant a kiss on Finn's forehead and pull the blanket to his chin. Ruby tugs harder, pulling my arm closer towards her.

"Okay, let's get you to bed" I address, tugging her dress over her head and slipping on her overused pair of pyjama's. She buttons the last of her top up without hesitation, making sure i'm watching to see her 'remarkable skill'.

"Look mummy! I did it!" She announces, a huge familiar grin spreading over her face.

"Yes you did, you! Now quick, into bed" I inform, tapping her bottom in order for her to move faster. She climbs into bed, her long plait been thrown over shoulders, and just missing her face by inches. She sits there for a while, staring into my eyes, contemplating whether to fall asleep then and there.

"Mummmy?" She asks, in a persuasive quavering voice.

"Yes?"

"Tell me a story please?" She sputters, her eyelashes battering into a sensitive swift. I wonder for a moment, hoping for an idea of a story to pop into my head. I can't think of any 'happy' ones, ones that i could share with my young child. Mother never used to tell me any as I was aging, although i would make ones of my own and tell them to my younger sister Prim.

"Please?" Her voice interrupts me, throwing me off of my thoughts.

"Um, Rube's how about Daddy tells you one tonight, he's always got one up his sleeve" I assure her. She nods in advance into an immediate motion, calling for Peeta at a deafening cry. Peeta bursts through the door, a tea towel flopped over on side of his shoulder, flour spattered all over his apple-like cheeks.

"What's wrong?" He asks, his voice slightly terrified.

"Nothing, Ruby just wants a story. You're the best at them" I state, hopping off of my knee stance and standing straight. Peeta looks at me in a confused emotion, then his eyes fall back on Ruby, who is now sharing her glances between the two of us, now optically unaware. His voice shrivels under his breath.

"Sure Rube's, I've always got many" He says, kneeling down beside her. I take this as my cue to leave, stepping carefully over spread toys and worn clothing. The door, I close slightly, purposely leaving it open an inch to allow me to listen in if needed. I go to leave but I hear peeta's story setting and I turn back, pressing my left cheek on the outside frame and listening intently.

His voice is soft.

"There once was a very beautiful Princess, who lived in a very high tower, trapped from the outside world. Her hair was long, and always plaited to the side, because that's how she liked it when doing her favourite thing, archery. She would do it all day, almost till midnight," He said, expanding his emphasis on his 'midnight', "until one day, she had to go away and fight for a big competition, an archery one of course, and it was then that she met a young boy. He wasn't like the other boys that she had known from her lands, he was slightly different. She had noticed he would glance into her direction every so often. But what she didn't notice at first was how deeply in love this boy was with her" He added, his voice easing, "It wasn't until the last round of the archery competition, that the boy finally confessed his love to the beautiful princess. She was shocked at first, but hid it away with kissing the boy who loved her very deeply. It was from then on, that they fell in love, making thousands of babies and living happily.. ever.. after.." He finished, brushing his thumb over Ruby's forehead, who was now drifting off to sleep.

"Goodnight baby" With that, he slowly hopped up from his kneeling position and headed for the door. The door pulled open, revealing Peeta's face inline with mine. I didn't have time to explain why I had been listening. Instead i answered his question by kissing him deeply on the lips. He pulled me closer, twisting his fingers around my body. I let my feelings take over me, rubbing my hands through his gritty hair, which i didn't mind. I finally pulled away, but barely enough still that our noses were touching. Our breathing was intwine, flowing through each others. His eyes scooped up mine.

"Did I ever tell you.." I jested, my breathing growing steadier.

"Tell me what?"

"That the princess loves the boy like no other" I whispered, my lips now millimetres from his.

He formed a smile, but it disappeared by another kiss.

*new scene*

He sat behind her, her hair moving swiftly through his beater fingers. He was struggling, trying to form a sensible plait was proving difficulty by how it was turning about. The hair was being twisted and turned in the wrong directions, slowly descending to a big clump of knot.

He breathes heavily through his nose, the frustration now showing on his beetroot cheeks.

I lean forward, taking her hair from Peeta's grasp and holding it in my own. His nostrils flare out, overwhelmingly staying open wide for moments. My fingers move quickly, straddling the parts over one another as they slip from my hands. I tie it off with a thick band, holding the plait in place. Ruby turns around quickly, her plait whipping through the air.

"Thanks Mummy," She says, wrapping her short arms barely around my neck before she does the same for Peeta, "Thanks Daddy".

Her heels of her shoes, bang against the floor, making unnecessary beats. Peeta sits beside me, his face sinking slowly.

"Peeta, you did the best you could" I say, trying comfortably.

"No it's not that" He begins.

I place my hand on his, covering his whole hand.

"Then what is it?"

"We still haven't got married yet" He points out, his eyes now staring into mine. I'm completely shocked. With everything going on, the child births and our overcoming struggle of depression it has really been put on hold.

"Oh, Peeta" I ponder. His eyes grow wider, suddenly gleaming with hope.

"Katniss let's get married," He says suddenly, his arms pulling away to his sides, "Tomorrow is perfect. Let's do it".

I sit with my mouth open wide for a while, confused about Peeta's sudden theory.

"Okay" I say, the word slipping from my mouth.

*new scene*

I open my eyes, staring at myself in the mirror. My dress is elegant with a delicate neckline and shape that compliments my curves. The sparkling silver embroidery dances down to my skirt, the dress blossoming into layers and folds of pure white silk. The way the light catches on the smooth fabric makes it look like it's rippling, dancing - something magical and wonderfully indescribable. I shut my eyes again. This is impossible. This is unreal. This is. Truly the best thing. A hand slides into mine, enclosing the empty space.

I open my eyes to see Ruby standing tall next to me, her hair shaped into a coiffured way. The plaits line her forehead, making her skin below glow. I stare at her. It seems like rivers of dark, sparkly and long hair flow through her head. It also has a shining of its own. Maybe it's the reflection of the lights. But I know that it looks like a million crystals and diamonds are embedded in it.

"You look beautiful," I say. But that's not what I wanted to say. What I wanted to say was something like; "you are the most beautiful person in the whole and wide world". Or, "how can there be someone so perfect, and beautiful?". She lets a smile take over her still expression, her white glamorous teeth coming into view. I smile back, letting her grasp my hand tighter.

We start to head down and I spot Finn barely been able to hold himself upright in the middle of the room. His suit fits him perfectly as he finally stands stable. Peeta comes from around the wall, gripping underneath Finn's shoulders and lifting him up.

Finn's voice is barely a whisper but I catch it just neatly.

"I want to be a baker like you Dad" He says, his words rolling off his tongue. Peeta smirks, his arms holding him tighter as he places thousands of kissed over Finn. He lets out a memorable shriek. The sound of his laughter, bright and cheerful like dandelions in summer days, blossomed upon the quiet field. I let out a suppressed giggle and Peeta turns his head, catching me in his gaze. He stands for a moment, barely showing any emotion, as Finn rocks around on his shoulder.

"You are the most beautiful-" I cut him off, holding my finger to his lips.

"Thankyou, You look pretty spunky yourself" I propose. His hand slips around my waist, bringing me closer to him. His lips rest on my neck, slowly eating away at my skin with the wetness.

"Lets go get married, Miss Everdeen".

*new scene*

That's the last time i'm ever addressed as 'Miss Everdeen'. By the time the night is over and Peeta and I have barely attempted at falling asleep, I've been known too as Mrs Mellark, which always makes my insides flood when I hear it. I feel better now. Better than I have ever felt in my life. Peeta's grasp on me makes me feel safe. Hearing the soft howls of my children sleeping make me feel worthy, even grateful of such a blessing. They bring out the best in me, make me feel like I have something to live for now. Too one day see my children grow older and have kids of their own, Peeta and I watching over them as they do. My eyes are slowly falling away, closing on another day. Closing on another day of sumptuous decisions, magnificent outcomes and many dreams overcome. And with that last thought, my eyes shut tight.

"Goodnight Mrs Mellark" Peeta whispers in my ear, his breath lingering as he pulls away to rest back against his pillow

"Goodnight Mr Mellark".

FINISHED. 07/02/14 ALLYSHAJANA.

**R.I.P PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN.**


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